Week 3

Yes, I'm going to pat myself on the back for a few minutes here. Actually, I've been patting myself on the back a lot the last few weeks.

Today is 3 weeks non-smoking!!!

I have to say, I feel great. There have been some ups and downs for sure. The first week and a half was tough. I would be fine all day until about 3pm. That's when the craving would start. The thoughts would not stop. From 3 until I would go to bed here is what would go on in my head in an endless loop every 5 minutes

"I want a cigarette"
"You are choosing not to smoke a cigarette"

"I want a cigarette"
"You are choosing not to smoke a cigarette"

You get the picture. This would continue until I was literally getting into bed, at which point it would change to

"I want a cigarette"
"You are going to bed. You can revisit this topic tomorrow"

I will admit to some irritability. OK, I had some uncontrollable rage, that first week especially. One night, I made J hold a pillow so I could punch it for about 5 minutes. Felt good. I'm also a little more emotional. I seem to be tearing up at stupid TV more often than before.

But mostly what I feel is relief. Relief and total liberation. I guess I finally understand what the phrase "getting the monkey off your back means". I had no idea I would feel so free.